Who you have become vs. who you were.

As time passes, it becomes easy to confuse who we are with the roles we’ve taken on. Whether it’s the wife, mother, or career woman, these identities often start to feel like the only version of ourselves that matters. Over time, these roles wrap around us like layers, creating a shell that seems to define who we are. But deep inside, the woman you once were; the one with dreams, passions, and an unshakable sense of self can feel lost, buried beneath the weight of others’ expectations.

Buried under roles.

When you step into a relationship or a new role, it’s natural to evolve. But sometimes, these evolutions happen at the expense of your true identity. These layers don’t just shape how others see you; they alter how you see yourself. You might begin to identify more with the titles you hold rather than the woman you are at the core. The layers become masks, necessary for survival in the face of life’s demands, but ultimately, they begin to suffocate the very essence of who you are.

Understanding the difference between growth and loss.

Growth is essential. But losing your true self in the name of growth is something entirely different. True growth nurtures the parts of you that have always been there; your core values, your unique qualities, your passions, and enhances them. The problem arises when external pressures, whether from a partner, family, or society, force you to mold yourself into something you’re not.

For instance, you may have set aside your career ambitions to care for your children or given up your social life to support your spouse. These are sacrifices born from love, but they should never come at the cost of your individuality. Growth should not feel like erasure.

How do I find my true self again?

Unmasking is not about shedding your roles; it’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that have been buried. This is how you can begin the process:

• Recognize the mask: The first step is recognizing that the mask exists. Reflect on the times when you feel most disconnected from yourself. Is it in social settings? At home? In your career? Acknowledge the roles you’ve taken on that may have disguised your true desires. Write them down.
• Reconnect with forgotten passions: Think about the hobbies, dreams, and activities you used to love. What made you feel alive? Revisit these passions, even if only for a few minutes each day. It might be drawing, writing, dancing, or simply taking a walk in nature. These small acts can begin to peel away the layers that have covered your true self.
• Reclaim your voice: Have you stopped expressing your opinions or desires because it feels easier to go along with others? Reclaiming your voice is a powerful way to unmask. Start speaking up—whether it’s about your needs, your preferences, or your dreams. Even small acts of asserting yourself help to reconnect with your authentic identity.
• Look beyond the roles: Ask yourself, “Who am I when I am not in the role of a wife, mother, or friend?” You are not defined solely by what you do for others. Begin to see yourself as an individual with dreams, needs, and aspirations independent of your roles.

Embrace the woman you were before life happened.

Rediscovering who you are beyond the layers of life’s expectations is a profound journey. It’s about returning to the core of who you’ve always been and reawakening the parts of yourself that may have been dormant. But this doesn’t mean you have to discard the roles you’ve taken on. It’s about integrating your true self into every aspect of your life, balancing your responsibilities with the things that make you feel whole.

Exercise

Consider what layers you’re ready to shed and what part of yourself you’re ready to embrace once more.

Next: How to break free from the roles you’ve been assigned and reclaim your autonomy.