Breaking free from the role you were given. The story of Abena.

Abena had always been the “perfect” wife. She spent her days managing the household, attending to her children, and supporting her husband in every way she could. At first, she didn’t mind, it felt like a natural progression, a way of fulfilling her role. She found joy in making sure everyone else’s needs were met, and it gave her a sense of purpose. But over the years, she began to feel a strange emptiness, a quiet voice whispering, “This isn’t all there is to you.”

One afternoon, as she sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, Abena looked out the window, her eyes distant. She remembered a time when she used to paint, when the colors on her canvas spoke louder than any words ever could. She remembered the excitement of starting her own business, the thrill of chasing a dream that wasn’t tied to anyone else’s needs. But somewhere along the way, those passions had been set aside, buried under the weight of others’ expectations.

Abena realized that somewhere in the process of becoming “the perfect wife,” she had lost herself. Her worth had become inextricably tied to the roles she played: mother, wife, and caretaker. She had forgotten who she was beyond these labels, and in doing so, she had begun to feel like a shadow of herself.

The trap of assigned roles.

Abena’s story isn’t unique. So many women, at some point in their lives, find themselves trapped in roles that were never theirs to begin with. Society, family, or even well-meaning loved ones assign these roles, and they willingly slip into them. Whether it’s the “perfect” wife, the “selfless” mother, or the “successful” career woman, we begin to define ourselves by how others see us, not by who we truly are.

These roles are not inherently bad, but when they become the only lens through which we see ourselves, we risk losing touch with our authentic selves. The problem arises when we start to believe that we are only valuable in relation to the roles we play. This belief can lead to a profound sense of emptiness, as we neglect the parts of ourselves that don’t fit into the neat boxes we’ve been placed in.

Breaking free from expectations.

To break free from the roles that have been imposed upon us, we must first recognize the limitations these roles impose. It’s important to ask ourselves: Who am I outside of these labels? We need to remind ourselves that we are not just the roles we play, but complex, multifaceted individuals with dreams, desires, and purpose that extend beyond our duties.

Here are some steps to help break free from the roles you’ve been given:

• Challenge the labels: Examine the labels that have been assigned to you. How do they make you feel? Are they empowering, or do they limit you? Challenge the belief that your worth is defined solely by your role in others’ lives.
• Reclaim your autonomy: Take back control of your time and energy. Set boundaries that protect your sense of self. Saying “no” when necessary is a form of self-respect, not selfishness.
• Reconnect with your passions: What did you love doing before the roles took over? Rediscover activities, hobbies, and goals that are solely about you, things that ignite your spirit and make you feel whole.
• Embrace imperfection: You don’t have to be perfect in every role you play. Perfectionism often stems from the pressure to meet external expectations. Let go of the need to be everything to everyone and focus on being authentic.

Your true self is waiting.

Abena’s journey toward rediscovering herself didn’t happen overnight. It took time, patience, and a lot of uncomfortable moments as she slowly shed the layers of expectation. But she started small; first, by picking up her paintbrush again. Then, she began to explore new interests and reconnect with her inner voice, the one that had been silenced for so long.

Breaking free from the roles you’ve been given is not about abandoning responsibilities, but rather about embracing the fullness of who you are beyond them. You are not defined by your roles. You are defined by your passions, your dreams, and the unique way you show up in the world as your true self.

Next: How to rekindle your passions, goals, and dreams, the things that make you feel alive and connected to your true identity.