The Veil of Love
Why Relationships change after the Honeymoon Phase
When people first fall in love, everything feels magical. Flaws look smaller, smiles look brighter, and you’re convinced you’ve found the perfect match. But as time passes, reality sets in. The same quirks that once made your heart race can suddenly make your blood boil. What changed? Did your partner become a different person? Or did something else happen? I call it the veil of love; a natural and psychological shift that happens in every relationship. Understanding it could be the difference between giving up too soon, or growing into deeper, lasting love.
The Sweet Veil (Infatuation Stage)
In the beginning, love feels intoxicating. Your brain is flooded with dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline (chemicals that heighten joy, connection, and attraction). This is why:
- Forgetfulness feels playful.
- Jealousy feels like passion.
- Overworking feels like ambition.
It’s not that flaws disappear; it’s that your brain filters them. Psychologists call this the “positive illusion effect”, a situation where we unconsciously magnify the good and minimize the bad. This veil is nature’s way of pulling two people close enough to form a bond. Without it, many couples would never survive the awkward first months. But the veil was never meant to last forever.
The Lifting of the Veil (Reality Stage)
With time, stress, or routine, the chemicals settle, and reality starts to shine through. The quirks you once adored may now frustrate you.
- That “playful forgetfulness” now feels careless.
- His “ambition” now feels like neglect.
- Her “refreshing honesty” now feels stubborn.
Here lies the danger: many couples misinterpret this shift. They think, “You’ve changed,” when in truth, perception has changed. The veil is off.
This is the most fragile stage of love. Disappointment can creep in, and many relationships collapse here, not because love wasn’t real, but because couples weren’t prepared for the shift from infatuation to reality.
The Choice of Love (Mature Stage)
If you make it through reality, you enter the most rewarding stage: mature love. This is where love becomes less about feelings and more about choice, practice, and commitment. Here’s what mature love looks like:
- Seeing flaws clearly but choosing patience over irritation.
- Building joy not only from butterflies, but from shared goals and growth.
- Loving with eyes wide open, not blindfolded by the veil.
At this stage, intimacy deepens. Love becomes steady, resilient, and grounding. It’s not just about falling in love anymore; it’s about walking in love daily.
Final Thought
The veil of love is sweet, but it’s only the beginning. Real love begins when the veil lifts; when you see your partner fully in their flaws and all, and still choose to love them. Reflection Question: Which stage of the veil are you in? Still enjoying the sweet rush, adjusting to the hard reality, or learning to love by choice?
