How our ancestors treated their wives: lessons for the Ashabari man.

What is Ashabari?

It is the sacred understanding that in a true union, partners are not just lovers, but co-carriers of each other’s dreams, scars, growth, and legacy. It teaches that love is not just intimacy; it is mutual protection, shared responsibility, and emotional covering. In Ashabari, you don’t walk ahead of your partner. You don’t walk behind. You walk with. Ashabari, the hope we carry together.

In the hush of the night, beneath the stars and beside the fire, our ancestors once taught their sons not just how to hunt, but how to honor. Not just how to build a house, but how to guard a home. Today, we live in a world where men have inherited land and titles but forgotten the ancient ways of love. The Ashabari Way calls us to remember, not with romance, but with responsibility. In this blog, we look at how men of old walked with their women and how today’s men must return.

He sat at her counsel

In ancient households, the wife was not a quiet shadow. She was a trusted voice. When kings sat in counsel, their queens had already whispered wisdom into their ears. Before he speaks in public, he listens in private. The Ashabari man does not make life-changing decisions alone. He values her insight, asks her perspective, and welcomes her thoughts, even if it humbles his own.

He shared the inner load.

The man of old did not simply “provide.” He participated. He fetched water when the journey was long. He farmed and carried yams for market. He repaired, he mended, fetched herbs when the midwife came. The home was not her burden, it was their temple.

Ashabari love means

• Holding the baby so she can rest
• Helping her breathe when she’s weary
• Protecting her emotional balance, not just her physical body

He defended her honour publicly.

In many African societies, it was taboo to mock, insult, or dismiss your wife in front of others. To shame your wife was to shame your own head. It was said then that “the way a man talks about his wife is how he’s talking about himself.” Even in conflict, the Ashabari man does not expose her nakedness to the world. He covers, defends, and protects her dignity.

He was intimate beyond the bed.

Our ancestors understood emotional intimacy deeply, even without Western vocabulary. He noticed her moods without her speaking. He sat beside her in silence during grief. He blessed her hair as she plaited it and left small tokens of affection; a calabash of palm wine, a song, a carved stool. Ashabari men know that touch is not just physical. They touch the soul.

He prayed over her.

Spiritual leadership didn’t mean control, it meant covering. A husband would rise before dawn to whisper her name to the ancestors or to God. He would speak life into her womb, her work, her journey. He was not only her man, he was her priest too. Today, Ashabari husbands do the same. They intercede for her peace, rebuke what threatens her soul, and thanks the Divine for her presence.

He respected her role as co-builder.

Wives were not side ornaments. They were foundation stones. She managed trade, taught the children, made spiritual offerings, and recorded family history through stories. A wise man gave her room to be more than a wife, she was a legacy bearer. Ashabari men don’t clip their wife’s wings. They sharpen her sword.

He did not use silence as punishment.

In ancient traditions, silence was a tool of reverence, not revenge. Ashabari men don’t sulk to gain power. They learn how to communicate through storms, apologize with depth, and express themselves without turning cold.

He was faithful in spirit, not just body.

In many tribes, fidelity meant more than avoiding adultery, it meant guarding your emotional availability. To allow another woman too much spiritual access was a breach. Ashabari men do not give their loyalty, their secrets, or their energy to outsiders. They create emotional boundaries that protect the bond.

He was gentle, even in correction.

When disagreements arose, the wise man corrected gently, not with aggression. Ashabari men don’t raise their voices to silence a woman. They lower their egos to understand her.

He carried her legacy when she could not.

When she was weak from birth, grieving a loss, or overwhelmed with motherhood, he stepped in, not to dominate, but to hold her post until she rose again. He was present, patient, and prayerful.

In Conclusion

The Ashabari Way is not about being “old-fashioned.” It’s about being ancestrally aligned. To the Ashabari man: Your wife is not your helper only; she is your divine mirror. How you treat her is how the heavens will treat you. If you honor her soul, your household will sing. Return. Relearn. Rebuild.