Left Behind

“When I met this lady, she had completed senior school but had been in the house for four years because she could not fund her tertiary education. Because I loved her, I single-handedly funded her tertiary education. Now she despises me, saying I’m just a mechanic and not her “type.” She has completely changed.”

Another story: “My husband had nothing when we met. We struggled for years to build a better life. We agreed that he would further his education while I stayed back to care for the home and children. He promised that once he got his master’s degree and was promoted, we would all benefit. I sacrificed my comfort, even the little luxuries of life, to support his dream. Now, he has changed. He cheats with another woman, comes home at odd hours, and no longer values me. When I confronted him, he asked me to “look at myself” and implied I wasn’t good enough anymore.” This is what I call left behind.

What it means to be left behind

Left behind may sound apocalyptic, but in relationships it’s a reality many face. Helping a partner climb up in life is noble, but when one spouse advances and forgets the sacrifices of the other, the bond weakens. Instead of extending a rope to pull their partner up, some prefer to look for someone already at the top. Suddenly, you are no longer their “class.”

How we get left behind in relationships

Psychologically: One partner grows in confidence and self-assurance, while the other begins to shrink under neglect, criticism, or lack of encouragement. Soon, the gap feels like two different mindsets living under the same roof.

Intellectually: Education, career exposure, and personal learning can make one partner more informed, while the other feels left out of important conversations. The intellectual disconnect often shows during decision-making.

Emotionally: Love without reciprocity leaves wounds. When one pours affection and receives none, they become emotionally starved while the other thrives on external validation.

Self-Development: Sacrificing personal growth for another may seem noble, but when one partner keeps exploring new skills and passions while the other remains stagnant, distance grows.

Financially: The clearest form of being left behind: when one invests heavily in the other’s career, only to end up dependent and without their own financial safety net.

Spiritually: When one partner grows in faith, philosophy, or values while the other resists, the relationship loses its shared sense of purpose. For example, one begins to see life as a journey of service and discipline, while the other remains indifferent.

Socially: As one builds networks, friendships, and community, the other becomes isolated. Over time, the socially active partner may feel embarrassed to bring along the one who stayed behind.

Physically & Health Wise: A partner may take care of their body, health, and appearance while the other neglects theirs. Eventually, attraction and intimacy are affected, and unfair comparisons creep in.

Parenting/Family Role: One parent evolves in their approach to raising children while the other remains passive or rigid. The children then align more with the one who is growing, creating further isolation.

Cultural/Worldview Exposure: Travel, reading, and new experiences can expand one person’s horizon, while the other remains narrow in outlook. This makes joint decisions about lifestyle, work, or even friendships feel mismatched.

Sexual/Intimacy Growth: One partner grows in self-awareness and intimacy skills, while the other resists change. This leaves one fulfilled and the other resentful.

Time & Lifestyle Priorities: When one learns balance, discipline, and healthy routines while the other stays consumed by work, distractions, or laziness, they soon live in different “time zones.”

The Way Forward

Remaining at the bottom while pushing your spouse up the hill may feel like love, but it is not sustainable in today’s world. Relationships thrive when both partners grow together, not in competition, but in complement. This is not about competition. It’s about shared growth. Couples should create plans that allow both individuals to advance in their careers, education, emotional health, and finances. When both are “up there,” the relationship is stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling.

Couples should intentionally:

Create shared growth plans in all areas of life. Invest not just in each other’s careers, but in psychological, spiritual, and emotional well being.

Make sure sacrifices are balanced with opportunities for personal development.

Life at the top is sweeter when both of you arrive there together.

Don’t be left behind. Grow together.